Are You Present or Already Gone?

Disclaimer- I claim no copyrights to the song/or video concept in the above video

The artist Faith Evans released a song entitled “Gone Already” in 2010. Since then, Kelly Clarkson, and a few others, released a song entitled “Gone Already.” In 2010, when I heard Faith Evan’s song, at first, the title caught my attention.

Then, after listening to the medley, I really liked what I heard. But, then, after listening closer to the lyrics and understanding its meaning, I was in engaged in examining the concept of being in a relationship but emotionally disconnected. We do this more often than we think.

Unfortunately, the disconnection is a reality in many relationships. Both parties are either in denial or they know there’s a disconnect, but they don’t know what to do next.

In some instances, they’re perplexed how or when the disconnect occurred. An emotional disconnect occurs on other levels like in relationships between parents and children too. If we’re not careful, we can occupy the same space and because of technology, work schedules, and social obligations outside of home, the communication is weaken.

Now, going back to Evan’s “Gone Already,” there’s a reference in the song to “loving someone who hasn’t taken the time to get to know you, but you go through the motions” these aren’t the exact words, but this is the essence of what the lyrics in one of the lines is saying. Evans goes on further to say, she felt like “a dead man walking and everything was becoming monotonous.”

Some may argue, in regards to committed relationships, particularly marriage, relationships aren’t all about emotions. I agree, relationships require more than emotions to sustain their commitment. 

But, how is a marriage sustained without interaction or some form of equal exchange, especially in this Technological society? One might give his or her best, but if there’s no reciprocal exchange or validation of the relationship, the couple is only co-existing not experiencing fulfillment.

Remember, entering into a relationship at some point, both of you were “feeling each other”, or there was something which drew you together. The sense of connection to the other’s vibe and the interaction were engaging. More than likely, you couldn’t wait to be in the other’s presence.

Well, this is the type of existence and interaction I’m referring to. No, you don’t need to stay in each other’s presence all the time. But, you do need to maintain a level of communication and interaction which requires talking and listening to each other. In other words, be “present.” Don’t “check out” on each other. Communication isn’t limited to couples but in other situations as well.

As in the words of the song, what about you? Think of a relationship or situation you are in, are you present or already gone? Are you in the moment. How is your exchange and interaction with your significant other or with others Are you genuinely interested or disengaged, do you lack interest when the communication is not about you?

Just Something to think about.

Runaway Bride

Exchange of Vows

MINISTER TO THE COUPLE:  Do you (GROOM’S NAME) promise to take (BRIDE’S NAME) to be united in marriage? Do you consent to live as man and wife in the state of marriage ordained before God and others? Will you both promise to love, comfort, honor, protect in times of sickness, health, and during the times of lack, whether times are worse, sickness occurs, or there are times of joy and happiness? Will your devotion remain to each other and will you both forsake others?

GROOM:  I will.
BRIDE:  I cannot.
(The couple leaves and goes into the vestibule to talk in private)
GROOM:  What is wrong?

BRIDE:  I cannot do this. I thought marrying you would make my heart change. There’s someone else I love. Standing before my family, and God, vowing to love you, and honor you when I know my heart belongs to another is a lie. Hurting you is not my desire, I’m sorry. You’re a good man. You are loving and will make a wonderful husband. Any woman is fortunate to have you. You’re everything I’ve wanted in a husband. You’re a great provider and comfort me when I’m feeling bad. When we’re together, you show me respect, we have so much fun.  How you cared for me when I was sick I’ll never forget.  You are wonderful. Please forgive me. (the bride sobs)

GROOM:  If I mean all those things to you, and I’m willing to marry you, why is he the one who holds your heart?